LETTiNG_go_aint_EASY on Xanga

Weblog

Sunday, 03 February 2008

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

Sunday, 25 September 2005

Ok, well tonight was a lot of funnn!!!! I spent the day with my brothers and sisters at St. Philomena in Carson..got to talk about a lot of stuff. and finally got some stuff out in the open. Well, yeah anyways we hung out after the meeting and we had to sing a few songs with the CFC members for the CLP dedication. Then, when the real music min. went to eat, me KJizzle and Ainebelleuhizzle took over. We sang worship songs and got confused and we even stopped in the middle of one of the songs. yeah that was fun. haha. then we started eating some food and then we finally went to my house. so, yeah i guess i shoulda said in the beginning who "we" were. well, we as in me (junskyskeetskeetizzle), KJizzle, Ainebelleuhizzle, and PaulaAnneizzle. So, we came home and we planned on making grilled cheeese sandwichs. soooo, Ainebelleuhizzle gets the fire going and hooks us up with some grilled cheese sandwichs. OH yeah, dont hate, thats heller gangster. haha. so, we bring our grilled cheese sandwichs and our h2o bottles and plop our rear muhfuh ends on the floor. so we start watching emily rose and of course KJizzle was scared. so i told her it was ok because she could pretend that either me or ainebelleuhizzle was her MM so she would feel better. hahaha...yeah. and then yeah so we watched the movie and like we watched about 7 minutes of Napolean Dynamite, just for KJizzle. haha. we also left a message on her MMs voicemail. MUAHAHA. so yeah. tonight was really fun. i loved it and it felt to hang with the girls again. HAHAHAHAA rachy wasn't there!!! but we sure as heck wished she was. it woulds been sooooo much more fun if all the girls went, but unfortunately they couldn't. but the sisters that did go, man did we have fun or whaaaa?? haha i miss KJizzle!!! she is like my 3rd favorite movie buddy. even though i had to like threaten to hide her phone if she didnt stop looking through her phone book..pshh you're scared, nice excuse KJizzle! haha yeah.

RAND0M FACT: KJ's butt keeps me warm. haha. ok thats random and weird. hahaha.

AN0THER RAND0M FACT: one of my sisters has a boyfriend, and that boyfriend cant tell the difference between her voice and my voice. wow. such an amazing boyfriend. haha jus' kiffing.

AN0THERER RAND0M FACT: me and paulaanneizzle matched today :)

sooo much fun today. a lotters a lotters.

i wish i could hang out with them every single day the way that i did tonight, but its impossible..unless we all move in together, but yeah. well, im still glad that i can at least do it every weekend. :))

I L0VE MY SISTERS!!! SBAY man!!!!

MMs F0H' L0iiFE!!! aha
Ok, well tonight was a lot of funnn!!!! I spent the day with my brothers and sisters at St. Philomena in Carson..got to talk about a lot of stuff. and finally got some stuff out in the open. Well, yeah anyways we hung out after the meeting and we had to sing a few songs with the CFC members for the CLP dedication. Then, when the real music min. went to eat, me KJizzle and Ainebelleuhizzle took over. We sang worship songs and got confused and we even stopped in the middle of one of the songs. yeah that was fun. haha. then we started eating some food and then we finally went to my house. so, yeah i guess i shoulda said in the beginning who "we" were. well, we as in me (junskyskeetskeetizzle), KJizzle, Ainebelleuhizzle, and PaulaAnneizzle. So, we came home and we planned on making grilled cheeese sandwichs. soooo, Ainebelleuhizzle gets the fire going and hooks us up with some grilled cheese sandwichs. OH yeah, dont hate, thats heller gangster. haha. so, we bring our grilled cheese sandwichs and our h2o bottles and plop our rear muhfuh ends on the floor. so we start watching emily rose and of course KJizzle was scared. so i told her it was ok because she could pretend that either me or ainebelleuhizzle was her MM so she would feel better. hahaha...yeah. and then yeah so we watched the movie and like we watched about 7 minutes of Napolean Dynamite, just for KJizzle. haha. we also left a message on her MMs voicemail. MUAHAHA. so yeah. tonight was really fun. i loved it and it felt to hang with the girls again. HAHAHAHAA rachy wasn't there!!! but we sure as heck wished she was. it woulds been sooooo much more fun if all the girls went, but unfortunately they couldn't. but the sisters that did go, man did we have fun or whaaaa?? haha i miss KJizzle!!! she is like my 3rd favorite movie buddy. even though i had to like threaten to hide her phone if she didnt stop looking through her phone book..pshh you're scared, nice excuse KJizzle! haha yeah.

RAND0M FACT: KJ's butt keeps me warm. haha. ok thats random and weird. hahaha.

AN0THER RAND0M FACT: one of my sisters boyfriends cant tell the differnce from his girlfriends voice and my voice. wow. whatta awesome boyfriend you got sis. haha.

AN0THERER RAND0M FACT: me and paulaAnneizzle matched today :)

i had a lotter fun with my sisters today. i wish it was everyday that we could hang out together like this, but its not possible, unless we all move in together, but yeah, but im glad i can do this at least every week.

I L0VE MY SISTERS!

Thursday, 01 September 2005

yessssss i admit it. i kinda love you. even though i dont talk to you when given the oppertunity and i start complaining that its your fault we dont talk. i love spending time with you. we have a lot to laugh about. i love it when you do your pouty face after i call you a girl. l0L. i love how you always remember our commitment to be 100% PURE. i love spending nights on the phone with you on the house phone AND on your cell phone. we're losers aren't we? yeah, i think we are. i love going to your house, laying on your bed, falling asleep, and then finally waking up and see you sitting on the floor at the side of the bed i am at just sleeping next to me. yeah, you're really gonna be 100% pure at that rate. l0L. i love sitting on your couch watching a movie and laughing with one eye and then looking at you in the reflection of the mirror next to the tv and i see you see me smile with the other. i love how whenever we got out to "hang out" your hand always finds its way to mine, but then you quickly take it away but then you put it back because you're not sure if we're being pure. i love how when we go to barnes and noble or just whenever we go somewhere first, then we somehow pass by a robbins bros. store and you always want to pretend like we're ring shopping, but then you always say that thoughts of marriage is a step before you start thinking unpurely. i love how when you pick me up at my house you always want to say hi to everyone in my house and you only kiss me on the cheek because the lips to not being pure. i love how you call me, hang up, call, hang up and you do that without blocking you number and after about 10 calling and hanging up games, you say you just wanted to hear me say hello and laugh. i love how we fight over the littlest and dumbest things ever. i love how we talk about how are friends are jealous even if they're not. i love cutting onions and hot dogs and putting it in your moms spaghetti with you. i love making you fettuccini and brownies. i love going places with you. i love how your brother calls me his sister in law and how your mom calls me anak. i love how you play video games with my brother and let him win. i love how you know everyone in my family and i know everyone in yours, even the relatives in the philippines. i love how everytime im walking away i look back and you're looking at me look at you while youre looking at me walk away. i love how you can balance time with me and time with your friends. i love the way we can just stay up all night and play w.o.w or play webam games. i love how we waited how many hours the day halo 2 came out. i love how you drive to my church just to go to church with me even though you live an hour and a half away. i love how you wake up so early, take me whereever i need to go, and you go home, then come back and pick me up. i love how you surprise me and bring rentals over and some pizza and apple juice and we have a nice time alone together at my house. i love how you make me a gagillion cd's and even if i lose one or it gets messed up, you dont get mad you just make another one. i love how you write songs for me and play it for me on the phone or you make a webcam video of it, or the best one is when you play it live. i love it how whenever im at your house so late you can just call my mom and tell her im sleeping over and shes ok with it. i love it when i sleep over you let me sleep on your bed, you get blankets and sleep on the floor, but before you sleep you kiss my forehead and you say "goodnight and sweet dreams". i love how when i wake up the sound i wake up to is you playing the love songs you write. i love how i have a whole drawer set for my clothes, shoes, feminine needs, hair stuff, make up, or whatever in your room. i love how you have your things in my house as well. i love how you skip school or whatever to come see me when im sick. i love how you pretend to be mad at me so i can say "sorry i love you". i love how you make me smile. i love how my parents and family at that love you and trust you the way i do. i love how you'll go to any lengths to go on a computer and IM me. i love how you think my away messages are for you. i love how you TRY to cook for me. i love how you help me clean my house. i love how whenever we go to a pet store together for some reason, you always say, "when we grow up this will be our baby". i love how you just make me laugh. i love our friendship and without our friendship all these "i loves" i just said wouldn't mean a thing and they might not have even happend if we werent friends. i know i wouldn't have this much "i loves" if we were just boyfriend and girlfriend. i love our friendship and all that comes along with it. i just...I JUST LOVE YOU i guess. i guess i do.

Friday, 26 August 2005

"My heart's been broken since the day I met you..."
Im honestly really just getting tired of falling for guys who find it "so hard" to fall back. or simply just don't. Im so hurt from falling, why can't someone just pick me up off the ground? No matter how many times I try it never works out for the best. Why don't I get the best when I give my best? I dont think that's fair. But then again since when does anyone care about what Junel thinks? You know, I see all my friends "talking" to people and it makes me sad because I have no one to "talk" to. I guess it's because the "pretty" factor plays a part. Oh, well if that's the reason, then yes I guess I won't have anyone to "talk" to then. I'm so tired of telling how my heart feels when no one cares. When I do that I feel so embarrassed and stupid for even thinking anyone would actually LIKE to "talk" to me. Whatever, I guess girls like me are meant to live and die alone. I know it's all about GOD and im not saying that it isn't, I'm just saying it would be nice to have some else in my life. It wold be nice to have someone I can share my love for GOD with. Just someone to have companionship with. But for some reason all the "good" guys like the pretty girls and the guys I'm left with are the gangbanging "i-like-to-hit-my-bitches" type of guys. That's all I ever get. I guess for me its a "take what yuo can get" type of thing. I know what Jimmy said was true about "waiting for him, he'll come" but how much longer do I have to wait? I've already been through so much pain. So much heartache. Must I have to endure this longer? I'm tired of seeing my friends with smiles on their faces. Their smiles are real, mine aren't. I want someone to give me a real smile for once. I keep trying to not focus on wanting and just focus on waiting but its really hard to wait instead of want when all your friends are getting what you're wating for. So, because they're getting what you're waiting for it makes you want it too. I don't understand what other girls have that I dont. I'm nice, friendly, outgoing, I...OH yeah, I dont have the pretty face, so that's what wrong with me. I hate myself. I always wished that one day I can marry that "special" one and have like 6 kids in a nice house with a dog and everything, but I guess its a dream for ugly girls like me, but a reality for pretty girls. I guess, I can only DREAM because it won't become a reality. Yeah, I know i'm being negative again, but what are my reasons to be positive? I just wish one day I can find someone who can prove to me that they're not all the same. Until then, I put my mask back on, smile everywhere I go, act like nothings wrong, and save the tears for my pillow.